It's Here. Almost.

It's September, and that means one thing: Fall is nearly here. Woohoo!!! I LOOOOVE Fall.
That's why I capitalize the word, although I am fully aware it is incorrect to do so.
I have tried to upload a Fall image, but it might not work. Blogger is stupid and is making me wait until my post is published to see if the upload worked, and already, someone is trying to spoil my Fall fun.
Ah, well.
I don't have any of my own pics to share yet, because I still haven't figured out how to upload images from this computer. I have to wait for my husband to help me. He's still asleep, and until he has his morning coffee, he just grunts at me and trips over things. Maybe after that, he'll be ready to bring out his inner nerd and help me to figure things out.
However, I WILL leave you with this sweet link to an amazing post on Fall. Before you look at these photos, I want you to know that you will be sick with envy. SICK. But it's okay. I don't have a house like that one, either. You and I just have to reassure ourselves that if we just obey the Lord and fix our eyes on Heaven, far more beautiful things await us.
You don't feel better at all, do you? Oh well. Check this out. Happy Fall.

I'm Back....

Recently, my family and I went to the Fr Corapi conference in Buffalo, NY.
It. Was. Amazing.
And there are many things that I am taking away from that conference. Many things.
Here are some of them:
" God did NOT give us a Spirit of timidity! The Holy Spirit is no COWARDLY Spirit!!!"
"The Holy Spirit is given to those who OBEY."
And interestingly...
"STOP CARING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU."

Blogging can be so time-consuming. Especially when you're someone who needs alot of concentration. I mean, facebooking is easy because you just type some random comments, but blogging requires a little more thought.
The other thing is that when you blog, you open yourself up to the observations, and often the criticisms of others. Have you ever known people that LIVE to criticize others? Who misread and judge and analyze every single thing about other people? I have. And, frankly, I've enjoyed the break.
But, since God did not give me a cowardly spirit, and since I shouldn't really be caring what some others may think of me, I think maybe a bloggy comeback is in the wings.
See you soon. :)

Inspiration For Today

I am really excited about a new book that's coming out by Mary Gildersleeve, called "In His name: Nurturing Creativity In The Heart Of Your Home".
It's a book about using our God given talents to participate in God's own creativity, to bring beauty into our homes. As women, wives and mothers, we really are the heart of our homes, and we can make our families feel special and cared for by surrounding them with beauty in simple, little ways. Go ahead, read the forward to this book.

What Fills My Days (Alternate Title: Why My Poor Blog Is So Neglected)

Waffle and strawberry breakfasts. Deep cleaning counters and floors. Tickling babies. Learning (and relearning) patience. Nature walks. Grilling. Root Canal. Frisbee with my boys. Bedtime rides at night to see the horses. Letting go. Gardening. Decorating. Ignoring laundry. Feeling overwhelmed by laundry. Washing laundry in a panic. Ignoring laundry again. Watching baby bunnies and chipmunks in the yard. Playing in sand and water. Round ligament pains. An upcoming eighth grade graduation. Joining a new Parish. Ice cream. Talking less. Playdates with some good friends. Birdwatching. Reorganizing. Wasting time on facebook. Playing with the kids. Nights on the deck with my hubby. Dreaming. Laughing my head off over things kids do. Getting angry over things kids do. Wishing for fireflies. Calling the exterminator about some ants. Cleaning the truck with Dan and my dad. Family projects. Praying. Trying. Knitting again. Forgiving. Seeking God's will. Setting up routines.Laying out in the sun. Kissing and hugging. Hopefully growing...and...becoming.....

Just A Moment

It's late at night and I'm up nursing and snuggling my little Lucie. I haven't updated my blog in a while, and figured now is a perfect time.
Everyone is sleeping and the house is totally quiet. When I get a moment like this, I gaze at my baby and get a little choked up at how beautiful she is, and how blessed I am to be her mama. You moms out there know what I mean.
I stare at her sweet little face and her little hands and her crazy, whispy hair, and I think, "I want you to always stay this way. I want to always hold you this close."
Often, during the day, when I'm trying to get housework done and I'm cleaning up pieces of cut-up hot dogs that my kids have literally whipped onto the floor, I don't always feel that way. I think, "Man, I can't wait till you guys keep your food on your plates" or "Geez, can I just mop a floor without someone crying hysterically as if I've abandoned them to go out clubbing or something?!".
At night, when I am trying to get a decent night's sleep, and Lucie wakes up, I think, "When are you EVER going to sleep through the night?"
I think all moms have these moments. We all get tired and grouchy and overwhelmed. It's normal. And sometimes we are so eager for our kids to outgrow a certain phase because that phase may be so....demanding.
But then we have these little windows of time where we can catch our breath for a second,like this one for me right now. And I look at my girl, and I want to whisper, "Please...don't grow out of this phase yet. Don't grow any more teeth. Don't change that funny little gimp you have when you walk. Don't stop whipping hot dogs on the floor. Don't stop being my baby."
You know when the sweet little old lady stops you at the grocery store and says whistfully, "Honey, appreciate them now because it goes so fast"?
It's true.
When I look at my fourteen year old, and think of how fast it all went, and how quickly the next four years will pass, I feel dizzy.
I want to go back in time, and make myself slow down in all of the moments where I was going too fast. Fix all the parenting mistakes I made. Kiss his little newborn head again.
But there's no going back, you know. We only have this moment, right here, right now.
May God grant you and I the grace to truly appreciate every moment, and to never be afraid to slow down and just hold our children. May we never be overwhelmed by our failures or shortcomings, by the times we've been impatient or short tempered, but may we continue to give it our all and make each moment count.

"When I look into the future,I am frightened,
but why plunge into the future?
Only the present moment is precious to me,
as the future may never enter my soul at all.
It is no longer in my power
to change, correct, or add to the past;
For neither sages nor prophets could do that.
And so, what the past has embraced, I must entrust to God.
O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire.
I desire to use you as best I can.
And although I am weak and small,
You grant me the grace of your omnipotence.
And so, trusting in your mercy,
I walk through life like a little child
Offering You each day this heart
Burning with love for Your greater glory."
-from the Diary of St Maria Faustina

A Little Perspective

So. My Holy Week has pretty much been laid out for me.
Morning sickness is my cross. Except, as always, it's not "morning" sickness. It's "all the time" sickness, instead. I can't hold a thing down (not even crackers and ginger ale), and being up and about makes me very nauseous.
I've been pretty discouraged this week. I keep focusing on how awful I feel, on all the things I can't get done, on my sadness over the ways I am not present to my husband and children. To me, that last one is one of the worst parts of being sick (besides feeling sick). The fact that my family suffers, too.
I am so blessed to have a teenaged son who is a tremendous help to me, and to have a husband who I seriously feel is quickly becoming a Saint. Without these guys, I don't know what I would do. Son Joe is on vacation. He watches the kids, feeds them, and plays with them when I am sick during the day. He does NOT do diapers, but I'm willing to accept that.I hold my breath and do it. When Dan comes home, he feeds, bathes, changes, plays with the kids, etc.
But even though they're helping out so generously, I just can't help but feel....guilty. I feel guilty for everything...for being sick, for crying and complaining about being sick, for needing so much help, for not seeming joyful,even though, beyond all the sickness, I am happy to be having another baby.
That's the other thing. We live in this pathetic society that is always ready to blame the unborn baby.
I'll never forget a news story I saw a few years ago about a married woman who became pregnant and very ill with morning sickness. She and her husband appeared in a TV interview to share with the world that, after months of pregnancy and the terrible nausea that accompanied it, her quality of life was "ruined", and so they decided together TO HAVE AN ABORTION. And they felt completely justified in this decision.
I just sat there and wept, appalled at the selfishness of these sick, sick people.
It's like Mother Teresa said: "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
For the record, I don't blame my little baby ,snuggled in my womb, for making me sick. I may blame the hormones. I may ask God, "Hey, why do I have to get sick like this, huh?" But my sweet little baby is innocent. So I hope I never give the wrong message by complaining about being sick. And I know, soon enough, the sickness will subside. And it won't distract me from my joy any longer.
Because children are a beautiful, wonderful gift. They are a treasure. They are better than any material thing you can acquire in this life, because see...they're NOT things. They're people.Each tiny, new person is a brand new gift, all it's own, completely unique, created with love and dignity. And I am so excited to see who this next little person will be!
When my babies say, "Mommy, I see baby? I kiss your belly?I say hi to baby, mommy?", I can barely hold back the tears! It reminds me that the sickness is temporary and completely worth it all.
I guess right now, this is how I can participate in the Cross of Christ. I hope I will not waste it. I hope I can remember to offer up all my sufferings, to give them to Jesus as a gift, instead of feeling sorry for myself.
After all, Jesus didn't just hang on the cross forever. After the crucifixion there comes the resurrection! Easter joy.
And I know God has plenty of that for me, too.

No Respect

From the top of the stairs, JP says in a quiet voice,(minus the L sound)"Shhhhhhhhh....my Ewmo is sweeping in my bed!"
Frustrated at the lack of response to his request, he tries again.
"Shhhhhhhh!" a little louder. "My Ewmo is sweeping."
He pauses awhile. The noise downstairs ensues.
" I SAID SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MY EWMOOO. IS. SWEEEEEEEEEEPING!!!!!!!"
Thankfully, Elmo is a stuffed toy, and did indeed appear to continue sleeping.

Sometimes You Just Have To Go Along With It

Totally nauseous today.Happens with every pregnancy for me. My saintly husband stops by just as the 2 year old is filling his diaper. Thankfully, Daddy changes him.
"Wow, buddy," Dan says. "That is a BAD poop.Yuck."
With pride in his voice, JP says, "I MADE that." Then he laughs. " I made you a TOY, Daddy."
"Nooooo Johnpaul, that's definitely not a toy."
"Yes it IS a toy.I made a toy for you."

On My Feeder This Morning

Black Capped Chickadees
Goldfinches
House Finches
Tufted Titmouse
Nearby, a Cardinal lingered....

Laundry and Birth Control

This morning I got up the gumption to go down to the basement and switch the laundry. I love our new house, but why no first floor laundry? Who invented the "basement laundry room", anyway? I am certain that it was one of these people who purposely parks at the back of the supermarket parking lot so they can get their lousy 10,000 steps in (yes I am aware that I should be one of these people). Putting your laundry room in the basement is just setting yourself up for failure. You know what belongs in your basement? The boogey man. That's it.
The other thing that stinks about having a basement laundry room is that I have to practically sneak down there to do the stupid laundry. If my toddlers see me disappear down the stairs they will scream and cry as if I've left them to join the circus(you know what my response is to that notion? Don't worry, kids. We ARE the circus. No need to go out and find what I've already got).In order to get any laundry done at all, I have to distract them with cartoons, snacks, and empty promises. That usually works. But still. It's such a process.
Today when I came back up from switching laundry, I opened the door and saw my two year old and my one year old underneath the kitchen table.EACH of them armed with their own box of Cheezits.It would have been bad enough if they just had one box. Two boxes was pure ridicule.They were cramming cheezits down with reckless abandon, and when they saw me, they laughed wildly. For some reason, their laughter scared the living you know what out of me. I think it's because it was so irreverent. And also maybe because it seemed to be directed at me. You know, kind of a mocking "we have defeated you!" kind of laugh. I did indeed feel defeated.Because I knew that my dear husband, who has something akin to an ongoing love affair with cheezits, would be quizzing me later on how I could possibly let this happen.
Whatever.
All of this is proof to me that I am in dire need of a first floor laundry.You know what? I kind of like doing laundry. I like the smell of clean laundry. I like folding warm clothes. I have even learned to fold like Martha Stewart (shut up. you have no idea how thrilling this can be) I envy her large, bright laundry room with three ginormous soaking sinks and endless shelves for storage(don't ask me why Martha needs an industrial sized laundry room. I'm sure she has her reasons). I also have many days where the laundry piles up and forms an unnamed mountain.
On International Women's Day, the Vatican newspaper remarked that the washing machine has done more to liberate women than the birth control pill. I have to agree with this wholeheartedly. What a shocker that must be for those of you who know I am pregnant with our fourth child.It never ceases to amaze me when our society praises the wonders of certified organic food and birth control, simultaneously. Birth control pills have got to be some of the most unnatural, unhealthy chemicals you could ever pump into your body.Recently a young doctor told me that he had seen three cases in ONE month of women with blood clots in their lungs due to birth control. One of them was a seventeen year old girl.There has been plenty of evidence showing links between oral contraceptives and different types of cancers (including breast cancer),heart disease, strokes, etc.
Honey, my washing machine might sometimes be a serious pain in the backside, but it won't ever give me blood clots or cancer! It helps me to get the job done, and carry out my responsiblities.
Personally, I don't find breast cancer or living as an adult child and avoiding adult responsibility to be very freeing.
But you know what would be freeing?!
A first floor laundry, baby!!!!!!!!

Old School Water Fitness

Yesterday I went to this Aquafit class at the YMCA. I am starting out this pregnancy by being pretty overweight. Let's put it this way: I am no longer a buck-fifty. Ladies, that's pretty bad, for me. And my right knee has started bugging me, like it's got water on it (surely one of THE worst feelings ever). When I do the treadmill, it aggravates my knee. So finally I surrendered to the idea of water fitness.
The thing is, I was kind of putting this off for awhile. It's not that I can't swim. No, I took yearly swim lessons as a child, and of course there was the summer when my own mother literally threw me into the deep end (okay, four feet of water, but it was frightening nonetheless). In front of all of my peers. While I cried, and screamed that I was drowning.
The reason I was avoiding this class is because I HATE getting in a bathing suit in front of the general public. But, I found a cute bathing suit (which also happens to be a maternity bathing suit), and I felt much better. Besides, I thought, this class will be filled with elderly folks. No biggie.
When I approached the pool, my suspicions were confirmed. A class for senior citizens. And they were all women! Not even a creepy old pervy guy (one of my other fears). I thought, "Awesome! This won't be intimidating at all!"
Pretty much the exact moment that I had that thought, a Mario Lopez look a like walks over to us with a bunch of water weights. "Oh here he is!!!" The old ladies started hissing. "Hell-ooo, Phil!" they call, and I swear some of them were, like, winking at him.
"He's a dancer!" one of the ladies told me.
I'm not gonna lie. Relief swept over me almost instantly.
By this time, I had already started making friends and wound up with these ladies who were obviously the troublemakers of the group (this is a group that I perpetually find myself in throughout my life).They were the loudest ladies of the group, cracking jokes, cackling loudly and trying not to inhale the water. They introduced themselves this way "We're Mary. We're both named Mary."
Of course you are. It's the Feast of the Annunciation. What else would your names be???
The class was great. It was fun. It was the best workout I've gotten in a seriously long time. It didn't bug my knee in the least, and the ladies in the class were wonderful. Mario Lopez wasn't too bad either. He took the teasing from the old ladies with a huge grin and teased them right back. I didn't care that the parents who were watching their children's swim lessons on the other side of the pool were also watching us and laughing.Besides, I'm fairly certain that those old ladies could give those young parents a pretty serious beatdown (pool noodles notwithstanding).
I will definitely go back to this class again.

A St Joseph's Table

Do you just LOVE St. Joseph?
I do, and whenever St Joseph's feast day comes around, it is made even more special by the fact that we have a Joseph. Yesterday I was pleasantly surprised when some friends of ours called and told us that their big Italian family was having a St Joseph's table, and we were welcome to attend. Have you ever been to one? A St. Joseph's table is a meatless feast in honor of St Joseph, usually at someone's home (although many restaurants have them, too). The table includes an altar with an image of St Joseph, candles, flowers, fruit and bread. It usually begins with a Priest blessing the food and saying a prayer. The feast is an open house at the hosts home, and generally anyone is welcome, even people right off the street!
I only had a few hours notice, but I got my babies ready, picked up my Joseph from school, and high-tailed it over there! Poor Dan, he had to miss it because he was at work and it started in the early afternoon.
Anyhow, our friends have a very large family. They have 42 cousins! Not everybody was there, but they still had a nice crowd. The food was amazing. There was baked cod (delicious!), omelettes, baked artichokes, pasta, sauce, squid (I ate it quite by accident..it tasted better before I knew what it was), bread, cheese, etc. There were also tons of great desserts!
There were so many people. We were actually seated in the basement. There were tables set up down there, and it was so cool to see every square inch of the house being used. The dessert station was in the laundry room! These days people have such huge houses, but this house was actually very very tiny, and it just goes to show that you can still entertain a crowd in a small residence. It actually made it nicer, I think.

Another YES!!!!

Photo: The Teether, during happier times.

For the past few weeks we have had a serious flu running through our home. I am starting to think we should name it...why not? We name hurricanes, don't we?

If I could name this flu, I would name it Flu Pukahontas, because I think that sums it up quite nicely (there are other aspects of this wicked bug that I will not name, but I'm SURE you can imagine).

Not only are we dealing with the flu, but Lucie is teething...she is getting molars on both sides of her mouth, top AND bottom. She is not a happy girl lately at all. Wouldn't it be cool if babies were like gerbils and you could just toss them a piece of bark and let them gnaw on it for hours??

But here, in the middle of all the craziness, is some great news.... WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!

I was kind of hoping to lose some weight before I got pregnant again, but Richard Simmons never showed up at my house to help me. Darn it! I had my sweatband and my shorty shorts all ready, too.

Anyway, at first I felt slightly overwhelmed (not that I wasn't happy, I just kept thinking about the extra weight, the need for a minivan, etc), but I talked to some awesomely supportive friends, and my dear, sweet husband, and I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. What's that saying, "Where God guides, He provides"? Yup. So I'm just trusting Him. I feel so grateful! Babies are always blessings, and I feel like we're building a little team here, lol.

Wordless Wednesday

Beauty In The Home: Our February Nature Table

I know that we just entered the Lenten season, but I thought I would share this picture of our February nature table.
Obviously it has a Valentine's theme, but we have also included some sledding images and a cute little squirrel. We have a TON of squirrels around here....they race across our deck and constantly ambush the bird feeders. The little squirrel is from a woodland animal figurine set that I bought last year from a country store. He is perched upon a few of my childrens' tree blocks (a Christmas gift from my parents). You may also notice the lovely red rosehips (my mom gave them to me, from her garden).I love them...they are such a lovely shade of red.
The tissue paper heart was made by my 2 year old, Johnpaul, in his waldorf parent-toddler group last year. The heart beanbag is a toy that I sewed for my children to play with.
A nature table (if you're not familiar with them) is a little place you can create in your home to celebrate each season. You can make one anywhere...on a countertop, an occasional table, a nightstand. We used the top of our toy cubby.
By no means do I intend it to be an altar...but it is a great way to remind ourselves of the beauty that God blesses us within each passing month and season.
For me, part of building a culture of life includes creating beauty in our own homes. As a wife and mother, it is important for me to focus on beauty, and to teach my children to do so as well. I think it's important to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder...I am certainly not the "authority" on beautiful things!
Beauty can be simple...a vase full of field flowers, empty baby food jars in a desk drawer to store things like paper clips, rubberbands, etc. Making things beautiful in our homes, from tabletops to the way we store things, can inspire us in our vocations to be more disciplined, even more focused. For example, it's hard for me to focus in the midst of clutter. Don't get me wrong, here. I have many areas of clutter in my home. We just bought our home a few months ago, and I still have lots of organizing to do. But sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, it's those little glimpses of beauty in my home that give me the strength and inspiration I need to complete the tasks that God has set before me.

The Yes That Blessed My Life

This is my oldest son, Joseph. We call him Joey. Fourteen years ago, he was called a fetus, an option, a choice.

I was only 17. Even though I knew abortion was bad, I was terrified. My boyfriend had left me and when a friend told me she'd had three abortions and knew where I could get one, we called and made an appointment.

I didn't really want an abortion. I was just scared out of my mind. I didn't have the love or support of the baby's father. I couldn't imagine telling my family.

It was honestly by the grace of God that a trusted aunt (a practicing Catholic) suspected I was pregnant. She confronted me lovingly, promising to help me, and I broke down sobbing. I never made it to that appointment...she saved my son's life.

Saying yes to life transformed MY life. When I had my son, it wasn't easy, but God is faithful, and He blessed me in ways I never would have imagined. He changed my heart,and helped me to be a good mother and to change my life. I came back to the Church, and went back to school and onto college, until I left to go into music ministry full-time. I met my husband while singing at a catholic conference (he was the drummer!), and we've been married for almost four years. He became the father Joey never had, and we have two more children now, too. Hopefully we will have more!

My son is funny and charming, creative and smart. He loves sports and reading and being with his friends and family. I cannot imagine what my life would be like now if I had gone to that clinic fourteen years ago. The beautiful kid that you see in this picture would only be a hole in my heart, in my life.

I mean it when I say that all the big blessings in my life began the moment I uttered that one little yes. Abortion is NEVER the answer, it never helps, it never makes things better. If you're pregnant, or you know someone who is, please say YES!

There has never been one day that I have regretted my decision to choose life for my son.