Just A Moment

It's late at night and I'm up nursing and snuggling my little Lucie. I haven't updated my blog in a while, and figured now is a perfect time.
Everyone is sleeping and the house is totally quiet. When I get a moment like this, I gaze at my baby and get a little choked up at how beautiful she is, and how blessed I am to be her mama. You moms out there know what I mean.
I stare at her sweet little face and her little hands and her crazy, whispy hair, and I think, "I want you to always stay this way. I want to always hold you this close."
Often, during the day, when I'm trying to get housework done and I'm cleaning up pieces of cut-up hot dogs that my kids have literally whipped onto the floor, I don't always feel that way. I think, "Man, I can't wait till you guys keep your food on your plates" or "Geez, can I just mop a floor without someone crying hysterically as if I've abandoned them to go out clubbing or something?!".
At night, when I am trying to get a decent night's sleep, and Lucie wakes up, I think, "When are you EVER going to sleep through the night?"
I think all moms have these moments. We all get tired and grouchy and overwhelmed. It's normal. And sometimes we are so eager for our kids to outgrow a certain phase because that phase may be so....demanding.
But then we have these little windows of time where we can catch our breath for a second,like this one for me right now. And I look at my girl, and I want to whisper, "Please...don't grow out of this phase yet. Don't grow any more teeth. Don't change that funny little gimp you have when you walk. Don't stop whipping hot dogs on the floor. Don't stop being my baby."
You know when the sweet little old lady stops you at the grocery store and says whistfully, "Honey, appreciate them now because it goes so fast"?
It's true.
When I look at my fourteen year old, and think of how fast it all went, and how quickly the next four years will pass, I feel dizzy.
I want to go back in time, and make myself slow down in all of the moments where I was going too fast. Fix all the parenting mistakes I made. Kiss his little newborn head again.
But there's no going back, you know. We only have this moment, right here, right now.
May God grant you and I the grace to truly appreciate every moment, and to never be afraid to slow down and just hold our children. May we never be overwhelmed by our failures or shortcomings, by the times we've been impatient or short tempered, but may we continue to give it our all and make each moment count.

"When I look into the future,I am frightened,
but why plunge into the future?
Only the present moment is precious to me,
as the future may never enter my soul at all.
It is no longer in my power
to change, correct, or add to the past;
For neither sages nor prophets could do that.
And so, what the past has embraced, I must entrust to God.
O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire.
I desire to use you as best I can.
And although I am weak and small,
You grant me the grace of your omnipotence.
And so, trusting in your mercy,
I walk through life like a little child
Offering You each day this heart
Burning with love for Your greater glory."
-from the Diary of St Maria Faustina