Just A Moment

It's late at night and I'm up nursing and snuggling my little Lucie. I haven't updated my blog in a while, and figured now is a perfect time.
Everyone is sleeping and the house is totally quiet. When I get a moment like this, I gaze at my baby and get a little choked up at how beautiful she is, and how blessed I am to be her mama. You moms out there know what I mean.
I stare at her sweet little face and her little hands and her crazy, whispy hair, and I think, "I want you to always stay this way. I want to always hold you this close."
Often, during the day, when I'm trying to get housework done and I'm cleaning up pieces of cut-up hot dogs that my kids have literally whipped onto the floor, I don't always feel that way. I think, "Man, I can't wait till you guys keep your food on your plates" or "Geez, can I just mop a floor without someone crying hysterically as if I've abandoned them to go out clubbing or something?!".
At night, when I am trying to get a decent night's sleep, and Lucie wakes up, I think, "When are you EVER going to sleep through the night?"
I think all moms have these moments. We all get tired and grouchy and overwhelmed. It's normal. And sometimes we are so eager for our kids to outgrow a certain phase because that phase may be so....demanding.
But then we have these little windows of time where we can catch our breath for a second,like this one for me right now. And I look at my girl, and I want to whisper, "Please...don't grow out of this phase yet. Don't grow any more teeth. Don't change that funny little gimp you have when you walk. Don't stop whipping hot dogs on the floor. Don't stop being my baby."
You know when the sweet little old lady stops you at the grocery store and says whistfully, "Honey, appreciate them now because it goes so fast"?
It's true.
When I look at my fourteen year old, and think of how fast it all went, and how quickly the next four years will pass, I feel dizzy.
I want to go back in time, and make myself slow down in all of the moments where I was going too fast. Fix all the parenting mistakes I made. Kiss his little newborn head again.
But there's no going back, you know. We only have this moment, right here, right now.
May God grant you and I the grace to truly appreciate every moment, and to never be afraid to slow down and just hold our children. May we never be overwhelmed by our failures or shortcomings, by the times we've been impatient or short tempered, but may we continue to give it our all and make each moment count.

"When I look into the future,I am frightened,
but why plunge into the future?
Only the present moment is precious to me,
as the future may never enter my soul at all.
It is no longer in my power
to change, correct, or add to the past;
For neither sages nor prophets could do that.
And so, what the past has embraced, I must entrust to God.
O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire.
I desire to use you as best I can.
And although I am weak and small,
You grant me the grace of your omnipotence.
And so, trusting in your mercy,
I walk through life like a little child
Offering You each day this heart
Burning with love for Your greater glory."
-from the Diary of St Maria Faustina

A Little Perspective

So. My Holy Week has pretty much been laid out for me.
Morning sickness is my cross. Except, as always, it's not "morning" sickness. It's "all the time" sickness, instead. I can't hold a thing down (not even crackers and ginger ale), and being up and about makes me very nauseous.
I've been pretty discouraged this week. I keep focusing on how awful I feel, on all the things I can't get done, on my sadness over the ways I am not present to my husband and children. To me, that last one is one of the worst parts of being sick (besides feeling sick). The fact that my family suffers, too.
I am so blessed to have a teenaged son who is a tremendous help to me, and to have a husband who I seriously feel is quickly becoming a Saint. Without these guys, I don't know what I would do. Son Joe is on vacation. He watches the kids, feeds them, and plays with them when I am sick during the day. He does NOT do diapers, but I'm willing to accept that.I hold my breath and do it. When Dan comes home, he feeds, bathes, changes, plays with the kids, etc.
But even though they're helping out so generously, I just can't help but feel....guilty. I feel guilty for everything...for being sick, for crying and complaining about being sick, for needing so much help, for not seeming joyful,even though, beyond all the sickness, I am happy to be having another baby.
That's the other thing. We live in this pathetic society that is always ready to blame the unborn baby.
I'll never forget a news story I saw a few years ago about a married woman who became pregnant and very ill with morning sickness. She and her husband appeared in a TV interview to share with the world that, after months of pregnancy and the terrible nausea that accompanied it, her quality of life was "ruined", and so they decided together TO HAVE AN ABORTION. And they felt completely justified in this decision.
I just sat there and wept, appalled at the selfishness of these sick, sick people.
It's like Mother Teresa said: "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
For the record, I don't blame my little baby ,snuggled in my womb, for making me sick. I may blame the hormones. I may ask God, "Hey, why do I have to get sick like this, huh?" But my sweet little baby is innocent. So I hope I never give the wrong message by complaining about being sick. And I know, soon enough, the sickness will subside. And it won't distract me from my joy any longer.
Because children are a beautiful, wonderful gift. They are a treasure. They are better than any material thing you can acquire in this life, because see...they're NOT things. They're people.Each tiny, new person is a brand new gift, all it's own, completely unique, created with love and dignity. And I am so excited to see who this next little person will be!
When my babies say, "Mommy, I see baby? I kiss your belly?I say hi to baby, mommy?", I can barely hold back the tears! It reminds me that the sickness is temporary and completely worth it all.
I guess right now, this is how I can participate in the Cross of Christ. I hope I will not waste it. I hope I can remember to offer up all my sufferings, to give them to Jesus as a gift, instead of feeling sorry for myself.
After all, Jesus didn't just hang on the cross forever. After the crucifixion there comes the resurrection! Easter joy.
And I know God has plenty of that for me, too.

No Respect

From the top of the stairs, JP says in a quiet voice,(minus the L sound)"Shhhhhhhhh....my Ewmo is sweeping in my bed!"
Frustrated at the lack of response to his request, he tries again.
"Shhhhhhhh!" a little louder. "My Ewmo is sweeping."
He pauses awhile. The noise downstairs ensues.
" I SAID SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! MY EWMOOO. IS. SWEEEEEEEEEEPING!!!!!!!"
Thankfully, Elmo is a stuffed toy, and did indeed appear to continue sleeping.